This last week or so I’ve had a general overall feeling of malaise. Part of the source has been the fact that I’ve had some kind of funky bug and/or allergy. It started when my eyes did that wraith number, then made the transition into a cough that felt like whooping cough accompanied by the stomach bug from Hades…yeah, imagine that combo. Then, Tall & Handsome came down with a case of the same stuff and about the same time the Bansheescreeched. I felt like the world was on a Tilt-a-Whirl.
But, as I nursed each offending condition along and tried to get both of us into some state of “wellness” I began to understand some other things were affecting my mood…well, at least what one thing was.
It seems like the American family, people, humanity is imploding upon itself. Just in the last few weeks we have seen the Virginia Tech shootings; a shooting and killing on the campus of NASA in Houston, TX; a mother in Texas who hung herself and three of her young children; near Chicago, Chris Vaughn was found shot in the leg in his SUV along with his dead wife and three dead children. He was arrested prior to their memorial service for their murder.
As I write this, near Atlanta, GA a famous pro wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife and seven year old son Daniel have been found dead. Benoit had an upcoming Pay-per-View wrestling event on cable TV. He had called the powers to be and notified them he would be unable to participate because of a family emergency. He failed to mention the emergency was the fact that on Saturday, June 23, 2007 he strangled his wife Nancy to death after he had bound her hands and feet, or the fact that on Sunday, June 24, 2007 he smothered his seven year old disabled son Daniel to death. Benoit then hanged himself sometime on Sunday night or Monday. There was a history of domestic abuse in the family. Steroids and other drugs were found in the home during the investigation.
To add insult to injury, a tribute was paid on TV to this man by the wrestling community the Monday evening his body was found. Why does a child killer, a man guilty of killing his own disabled child deserve a tribute? I guess that only confirms what I have suspected and thought of the gonzo sport of “pro wrestling”. Not much…
Lisa Stebic, 30 has been missing since April 30, 2007. No one knows where she is. She went out to go jogging and never came back. Some suspect her estranged husband who hasn’t been really forthright with the police. Lisa’s story was knocked off the front page by the Jessie Davis story.
In my head over and over I keep hearing the old rock standard “Love Hurts”. Yeah, no kidding…
Jessie Davis, 26 of Canton, OH and her unborn infant daughter Chloe, are the latest victims in a long line of people who have suffered behind the old adage, “love hurts”. Jessie had a two year old son, Blake by a Canton, OH police officer Bobby Cutts, Jr. Officer Cutts is the reported father of Ms Davis’ murdered unborn infant daughter.
What’s the harm you may be asking? Well, Mr. Cutts is a married man who has at least one reported child with his wife. He also has a nine year old daughter by a former Houston Oilers Cheerleader AND while seeing Jessie Davis and being married, it has been reported he was seeing another woman. I’m sorry, but, can we say low-down, low-life dog here? Who in the name of God would want someone like this to be the example and role model for their child to follow as a father?! Ultimately, Bobby Cutts, Jr. and a female friend were arrested for the murder of Jessie Davis and his unborn baby daughter, Chloe.
In my opinion, it’s criminal the old adage “love hurts” even exists…to what purpose? No, love should not hurt!
Let’s look at some definitions of love for a minute:
Love [luv]
1.Very strong affection – an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion
2.Passionate attraction and desire – a passionate feeling of romantic desire and sexual attraction
3.Somebody much loved
4.Romantic affair
5.Strong liking – strong liking for or pleasure gained from something
6.Beloved
7.God’s love for humanity – the mercy, grace and charity shown by God to humanity
*From the Encarta Dictionary
Now, those are just a few of the definitions from one dictionary for the word love. Do you see anything that remotely suggests that love should be cruel?
Jessie’s case is eerily similar to the Laci Peterson and the Lori Hacking case. Lori was the young wife that was murdered by her husband because she discovered he had been lying about attending medical school. Her husband Mark shot her in her sleep and then dumped her remains in a landfill in an attempt to cover up the fact that he had not been attending medical school and would not be moving from Utah to North Carolina.
If we all reach back in our memories I’m sure we can pull something horrid from our minds that has set there haunting us, asking us, “How could they?” I can think back to John List who murdered his whole family, including his mother, wife and children in 1971.
Then there’s O.J Simpson and the Trial of the Century. If you followed the O. J. case with even modest interest you became acutely aware of the years of domestic abuse Nicole Brown Simpson suffered at the hands of O. J. Who can forget the pictures of Nicole’s battered and bruised face, the accounts of battering, control and verbal abuse she suffered from the very start of their fated relationship? I can only ask why? Why put yourself through this? Why put your children though this and expose them to this environment, this life style? For the fame? For the money?For breast implants, plastic surgery, a political career?
If you are a woman and you are in a relationship and love hurts…you’re in the wrong place. Get out…fast. Do not be a Laci Peterson or a Jessie Davis or a Nicole Simpson or any of the unknown names and faces of countless other women across this country. Let me tell you why. You owe it to yourself and to your children to show them a better life…a life where love doesn’t hurt. If you put yourself and your children in harms way with these men, with these people it is a given…you will be hurt and your children will suffer and a cycle will be perpetuated. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, although there is plenty of scientific and psychological research to back it up.
I was watching a pundit on TV the other day during the coverage of the Jessie Davis affair. He made reference to the fact that men (and people) like Bobby Cutts, Jr. and Scott Peterson are sociopaths and psychopaths. Girls, men like that are not just famous serial killers and they are not all in jail or prison. They are around us every day, every where…they are the Snakes in Suits. They are smooth, charming and seem caring. But, beware! There are signs. You can not and will not ever be able to change them. NO NEVER. No matter what you do…no you will never be able to “love” him enough to change him…it just won’t happen. Move on…to a better life for you and your children.
Yes, I have made some poor choices in the past…I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen family members hurt. Someday I may share the details. Sometimes I feel like the keeper of secrets. There are things I wish I could change. But, there’s also something else I know…love doesn’t have to hurt! Consider this:
Love is:
- Patient
- Kind
- Not Jealous
- Does Not Brag and is not provoked
- Does not take into account a wrong suffered
- Rejoices in truth
- Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all, things endures all things
- Love never fails
“…if I have the faith to move a mountain, but do not have love, I am nothing…and if I give all my possessions to feed the poor and my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing…now faith, hope, love, abide these three, but the greatest of these is love…”
Oh, by the way, that little bit of wisdom came from a much maligned and seldom read book…the Bible from the book of I Corinthians Chapter 13. Hummm…
Earlier I mentioned there had been a tribute to Chris Benoit, the pro wrestler who murdered his family. I found that so totally inappropriate. The man did not deserve a tribute. Let me juxtapose a different tribute here…a personal story.
In 1962, a baby girl was born in the little East Tennessee town of Greenville, TN. She was small, just under seven pounds, but her parents thought she was perfect. They brought her home to join her two older sisters. She seemed healthy and happy, but at some point, tragedy happened. The baby girl became sick…very sick. After testing it was finally determined the baby girl had the birth defect known as cerebral palsy. It was heartbreaking. The doctors advised the parents to institutionalize the baby, but they would hear nothing of it…she was part of the family and she would stay part of the family. That was an unheard of attitude in those days. That “baby girl” is my sister and she is still at home today with my parents. My Daddy was one man who did not tuck tail and run…he has been there for his wife and his girls…all of them. He took care of us…he loved our Momma and he loved us.
People…love does not have to hurt…at least not like we have been seeing in the news of late. We need to set a better example for our children. Let’s show them that love is kind, love is patient, love hopes all things…and that love can be safe.
© 2007 Beverly Hicks Burch All Rights Reserved.
A Steel Magnolia is an Iron Butterfly 
I wish you could go on Oprah and let all the women and young girls HEAR you !!! amen. that was profound. and you took the time to say it and so many people (girls, teenagers, women) need to hear it.
Janell, Thank you for taking the time to comment and lend support! I also wish all our female population could hear AND learn the message…love does not have to hurt. The carnage we are seeing in our families is tragic…it grieves me when I see the faces of pain. I hope and pray for better days…
Nice blog, I think you have written this article very well, you bring up some solid information. Thank you for sharing this information with me I really do appreciate it. Keep up the good work. Look forward to seeing what else this blog has to offer. =) TY for taking so much time working on such a great blog.
Thanks, it seems like my blog has become my labor of love ;-). The post “When Love Hurts” was a result of recent events, but every day there seems to be another event that could be placed in the post that is just as alarming and heart wrenching. I hope we learn to take care of ourselves, our children and our families and learn to look for the signs of predators and people who will chew us up and spit us out.
Hey, sugar…
You are right in your counsel to those poor souls who stay in an abusive situation. And you are right in that most of those degenerates who dish out the misery to other people will never change…unless they have an encounter with the living God. Nicky Cruse of The Cross and The Switch Blade is an example of this kind of miraculous change. The surest evidence that they have had such an encounter is they cease their brutality and begin to show love, thoughtfulness, and kindness. The encounter brings the realization that its not “all about me!”
When a woman is abused by someone she loves, and (as you describe)love hurts, it is time to practice what Dr. James Dobson describes as “tough love.” All the while, practicing tough love hurts the practitioner…but it is meant by God to be corrective to the vilain. If tough love does not work its purpose on the offender…then its time to sever all ties as you describe and “move on.”
One thing, however, is frequently in evidence in these horrifying situations. And that is…people often abandon good old-fashioned morals….you know, the kind Judeo/Christian teaching imparts to us. In this age of “no moral absolutes” people have forgotten that sin (OH! my goodness…he used that horrible word) brings its pay day here in this life…as well as the next.
Great blog and very, very well written.
Blessings
“Diddy”