No Wonder Elvis Left the Building
By Beverly Hicks Burch
Ok, I know I’ve been a little quiet lately. I’ve been under the weather in the midst of one of my infamous “flare ups”. Those of you with autoimmune disorders and other chronic health problems know the ol’ flare up as an “occupational hazard” blocking one of wellness and as part of our human condition. For the rest of you not familiar with flare ups, let me see if I can describe one…imagine having a two year old toddler going through the terrible “twos” strapped to your back while simultaneously two anvils are chained to your legs. Add to that, you’re now chasing your prized show dog who’s just gone into heat and has escaped outside and has all of the male neighborhood dogs of questionable (but loved nonetheless) heritage chasing after her…oh, and you have the flu, too while doing all of this. You get the idea…I don’t feel too hot…
During these times, I may not even feel like writing, but my mind stays active. With Fibromyalgia you get something called “fibro fog” that even makes thinking or concentrating difficult. During these “down times” I pay a little more attention to the TV than I normally do. As I’ve mentioned before, there’s one thing about TV…and pop culture in general that tends to annoy me…it insult people’s intelligence, dignity, decency and general overall good taste and that’s commercials. Well, I think I’ve seen the all time low. Let me set the mood…
The other night Tall & Handsome and I decided to have low-fat Rueben sandwiches for dinner…something we make here at the house. We made our tasty quick dinner and settled in for a nice little supper, some togetherness and maybe some entertainment or news on the telly. Whatever we were watching was not Tivo’ed so we couldn’t fast forward through the commercials. A pleasant looking ad commences…yeah, right…
A group of normal looking guys are sitting around in what looks like a cabin setting…maybe a cabin at a lake. And, they’re a talented, musical bunch! They’re having a jam session…they are all sitting around laughing, strumming on guitars and playing other musical instruments and singing about their “hot honey”. Upbeat music plays in the background. It sounds vaguely familiar…like an old Elvis song. There’s an announcer doing a voice over.
Suddenly, T & H and my ears perk up. There before our eyes, grown men were sitting around, grinning, channeling Elvis and singing “Viva Viagra!”
Can we all say Heimlich maneuver? No kidding…I didn’t know who would have to use it first, me or T & H as we choked on our Ruebens. He looked at me and I looked at him. His eyes looked like two big ol’ blue orbs of shocked southwestern, cowboy manhood.
I said, “They didn’t sing what I think they sang did they?”
Numbly, he shook his head yes. This man has a sharp quick, wit, but he was as speechless as I was.
“Honey, would you and your friends…or a bunch of cowboys, tech geeks or whoever sit around a campfire after branding cattle or stand around a water cooler and sing “Viva Viagra”?
He looked at me as if I had spat on the Holy Grail of baseball cards…the Honus Wagner card.
Even with “fibro fog”, I know there’s just got to be a better way to sell a product than that. And poor ol’ Elvis…no wonder he left the building. I would have, too…next thing you know we’ll be hearing, “Viva Hydraulic Pump” after some lame-brain comes up with some totally inappropriate ad campaign to shock and awe us.
Elvis, I feel your pain buddy…
© 2007 Beverly Hicks Burch All Rights Reserved.