Alabama, Bear Bryant, Birmingham, Chickens, Fathers, food, football, Garage Sales, Health, Moving, Pets, Southerners, Tall & Handsome, Tennessee, University of Alabama, University of Alabama at Birmingham, University of Tennessee, Watson

Ouch, by Beverly Hicks Burch


By Beverly Hicks Burch

Tag sale…yard sale…car boot sale…garage sale…rummage sale…what ever you may want to call it, Tall & Handsome and I have just survived our first one together. We held it at the end of a rather hectic week of getting ready for this move. Yes, “the” move.

It seems like this move has been going on forever…since August. It reminds me of the story I heard one time of a man who had a monkey with an unusually long tail. He decided to help the monkey out by cutting the tail off. Every day this guy’s neighbors heard the monkey screaming. One day a neighbor couldn’t stand it any longer…his curiosity just got the better of him. He went over and knocked on the monkey owner’s door and asked him what all the screaming was about. The owner explained the situation and said, “So, I decided to cut his tail off to help him out.”

The neighbor asked, “Well, ok, but, why has the monkey been screaming every day?”

The monkey’s benevolent, but clueless owner responded, “I didn’t want him to hurt as much, so instead of cutting the WHOLE tail off at once, I decided to cut it off an inch at a time so it wouldn’t hurt as bad!” Ouch!

Duh! The poor monkey was in the hands of Forrest Gump gone wild…

That’s kinda how I feel like this move has been going…and going…and going…an inch at a time. But, we are making progress! The company has finally approved a moving van and we can start moving forward…hopefully faster than an inch at a time!

The week T & H was home was strictly a work week. We threw out bags full of stuff to lighten our load some, and packed several boxes. And, we put a garage sale together pretty fast to further lighten the load. We did punch some holes in our plunder…that’s what my Daddy calls my years of accumulated treasures.

One man’s trash is truly another’s treasure…or in this case…one gal’s plunder is another’s treasure. I still have a lot to rid myself of. T & H and I have jokingly said we’ll have a “Just Moved” sale once we get settled. It’s funny, but in a way I found it cleansing and cathartic. I’m tired of carting around those ammo boxes and autographed baseball cards…that small table…those toys…that 1955 Nancy Drew book…and why do I need a butter cutter?

The chicken next door thought he’d make an appearance, which I thought was rather bold on his part. My little wonderkin, Watson, saw to it that Mr. Chicken Hung Phooey didn’t crash the party very long. He was brazen though, and his bobbin’ head crossed the line several times…much to Watson’s delight, who corralled him back into his own yard.

(By the way, I made the Shiner Bock Beans and the New Mexico Spoon Bread ahead of time so we would have something to nosh on after the sale. Yum! We couldn’t decide which we liked the best. They’re both easy to make and are great payoff for the effort. The beans are even better the next day.)

I was totally unaware when we set the date that last Saturday was the big weekend for the TennesseeAlabama football blood match. Had I known that, I might have had HUGE reservations for even attempting a garage sale on such a day. I would have doubted there would have been anyone that would even poke their head outside the four walls of their homes.

I also might have been a little concerned about the results of my sale. You see…T & H and I still have Alabama tags on our vehicles because we own property in Alabama.

The day of that game is a hard one for me every year. I’ve made no bones about the fact that I am an East Tennessee gal, born pure and simple. I was born at Blount Memorial Hospital as was one of my sisters. The other one was born in Greene County. I even lived in Hamilton County for a few years while Daddy worked in engineering there. But, then, the unimaginable happened…at least for most East Tennesseans. My Daddy moved us to Birmingham, Alabama when I was 12 years old and folks, I grew up in the Heart of Dixie.

I’ve seen many Alabama football games, both at Tuscaloosa and at Legion Field in Birmingham when Bear Bryant was the coach; and I’ve seen many a battle between Bama and the Vols. It was a mighty uncomfortable feeling to sit in the bleachers in Legion Field and have such divided loyalties. Daddy went to UT. I went to the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Daddy will pull for Bama…except when they play the Vols.

And this weekend Bama thoroughly spanked the Vols…Ouch! Divided again, darn it!

We were so glad to get the garage sale over with. We met some nice people. I discovered my T & H is a dynamo under fire…well, of course he is…I married him didn’t I? By the time it was all said and done…two days, we were both in pretty bad shape. The last time I had a garage sale…years ago…my health wasn’t in such bad shape. I had egg-size knots on my joints and could hardly move from the pain. I told T & H the pain felt like I had given birth to a 15 pound baby through my nostril! Ouch!

In the middle of all this serene activity (note sarcasm) the plumbing in the poopy house (yep, pun intended) backed up, not once but, twice…once on Thursday and again on Saturday in the middle of the sale! Double Ouch!!

Whoever rents this house after us has a mess on their hands…no pun intended there. I’ve kept a little diary and it just may show up where our slum lord…em, landlady least expects…like the health department. Every plumber that comes out here tells us she’s had this problem for a long time and they’ve been out here many times before we moved in. They’ve told her she needs to replace her plumbing, but she doesn’t want to do it. I could give you a litany about this house, but, that just may be for another time…

The really good news? Well, next week the packers will be here two days, then, they will load up. By the 5th of November they will deliver our “plunder” to the new place. Folks, there is no “ouch” there! That is absolutely fantastic news! T & H and I will be able to live normally (for us) in the same state and we can start settling into the new place. I have one thing to say…Woohoo!!

© 2007 Beverly Hicks Burch All Rights Reserved.

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